One day, this will be the finest blog anyone has ever seen. People will pass by and immediately stop what they're doing and drool over the unending text fields of humor and wisdom. They will stop reading, only momentarily, while they grab a bucket for the aforementioned drool, and they will continue to gaze... reading and drooling, happily. It will be as if some heavenly creature sat down beside them, lightly scratched the back of their neck, and whispered the words off of the screen and into their soul. Oh, if that day were only here... but it is not.
As it stands, this is the lamest blog in existence. In its current state, it is metaphorically like a plumber who has stayed way beyond his welcome regaling you with horror stories from his last job pulling cat parts out of kitchen disposal, then demanding to use your phone to make an "important call" but really only to use it as a sponge for his mustache sweat, all while slowly unbuttoning a denim work shirt/napkin/kleenex to let a forest of chest fur breathe into your ceiling fan. In like manner, this blog is a disgusting waste your time, and you should flee immediately.
Your fans are still waiting.
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